little bit

[sarafina mable]

a little angry
drunk
sad
punched your monkey heart for crushing mine
with ease
affliction
a little affection
paced over and over
to stomp your miserable memory from my mind
smoked you til the filter caught on fire in my eyes
thighs
and a little in my chest
walked home with your wild heart sickness drowning my insides
a little bit more and more

[lostmushi]

pretty raw, but i like it [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[Fliptastic29]

I was just wondering what episode provoked or helped enable you to express these feelings. Also I'm having a ruff time catching the flow of it. Are there supposed to be any pauses or is it meant to be read straight through?

[sarafina mable]

i wrote this pretty fast, so i think its better when read straight through, i know the line breaks make it choppy but thats kinda how it felt to feel that way
i dont know if its a specific episode or just a compilation of being drunk and pulling the 'victim' card.
do you think it would be better with no line breaks whatsoever?
thanks for the replys!

[lostmushi]

i really like your choice of words though, foe example 'affliction' and 'affection'

also: 'miserable', 'memory' and 'mind'

i didn't notice this at first, but this choice of words make your poem flow more...

[sarafina mable]

thankyou, makes me smile that you bothered to reread my piece at all [img]wink.gif[/img]